Ok ladies and gentlemen, I have a confession to make. I am 100% completely and totally going through some serious TV issues right now. I mean, the tube is seriously boring me to tears these days. There is basically just not one show that I watch right now that is really getting it done for me. What can I say? I miss the action. I miss the juice. I miss the drunk chicks tripping over themselves at the cocktail parties. And I really miss the drama. Basically, I’m having a classic case of Bachelor withdrawal. Knowing that I have to wait until May to experience the nail biting suspense of a Rose Ceremony is seriously making me delirious.
What the heck?
I’ve decided that it really just isn’t fair to keep us Bachelor junkies waiting a good two months in between shows, and in protest of this gap, I’ve composed a nice, tasteful letter to Chris Harrison.
My name is Mary, and I am a self-proclaimed Bachelor/Bachelorette addict. I mean, if there were a 12-step program available for this addiction, I’d probably have entered it years ago. I seriously just cannot seem to manage to cope with the fact that I have to wait all the way until May until the next season of The Bachelorette airs. And just in case you wanted to know how totally dependent I am on your show, I don’t even LIKE Ali in the slightest, yet I still can’t wait to see her get all gussied up and make out with a handful of guys who probably have way less going for them than the show alludes to. In all honestly, I live for this shit.
The show is my Monday night escape from reality. It makes me laugh, it makes me roll my eyes, and it somehow manages to make me feel a whole lot more secure about my “ordinary marriage” and my “ordinary life.” Because I may not have a TV show that revolves around me (yet), but I’m also pretty sure that my husband didn’t marry me simply because he’s gunning to be a Country-Western singer. At least I hope that’s not the case.
What the heck Chris??
I just don’t understand how I can be expected to wait a good 60 days in between seasons before witnessing the “REAL” most dramatic rose ceremony ever. Because I know it’s coming. I know that one of these days, the rose ceremony is actually going to deliver on that promise. And I know that you won’t let me down on that one, Chris. Because I have faith in you. And you work your ass off for your paycheck. And I’d love to apply for your job should you ever choose to retire.
I’m really hoping that you will strongly consider this heartfelt plea from a stay-at-home Mom and shorten the window between seasons a little to appease my addiction to insane reality bullshit. I need it, and it needs me.
I’m countin’ on you, Chris. You just gotta come through for me.
Your slightly over the top but loyal fan,
Mary, The Mommyologist
The McLinky is up below and I can’t wait to read your What the Heck? Wednesday and/or Glam Check! posts!